Stand Still, Look Pretty
by naturallyxme101
Summary: What happens when Darcy is forced to finally deal with her rape? Will it be a clear path from here on out? Set to a Series Of Songs


Okay so I'll probably suck at writing this. But somepeople I have expressed this idea to thought I should carry it out. Since of how much it relates. it'll probably suck but oh well.

Stand Still, Look Pretty  
A Darcy Edwards Fanfiction Songfic

_"I want to paint my face  
And pretend that I am someone else  
Sometimes I get so fed up  
I don't even want to look at myself"_

I was walking along the crowded hallway. My books clutched to my chest. Everyone still seemed to be staring at me. I could only imagine what thoughts were running through their minds and what gossip they were whispering into each others ears. Still no one really knew the truth behind how I had been acting, all I knew is everyone pretty much knew I was a liar. That I was the reason that Mrs. Simpson had gotten suspended. All because, how Emma put it. I was a "pathetic liar." If only they new, what I was going through. Sometimes while watching the freshman, pretty much all innocent, who were looking for adventure and trying to prove themselves. I couldn't help but wish I was one of them. So pure, so carefree.Wishing I could start over.

I tried my best to keep a straight face while walking through the crowded halls. Once again everyone seemed to be staring at me, wondering how a strict Christian girl with so many values, could sink to this level. I wished that I could just disappear, that I could paint my face. Or just escape all this newfound pain and desperate-ness. But everything had changed now, I had changed. That one night completely ruined my life. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to regain control. Sometimes I felt so dirty, I couldn't bare to look in the mirror and see my reflection. My appearance hadn't really changed since that night. BUt that was the bad part about it. I was utterly digusted myself, even though Peter and Manny kept trying to convince me it wasn't my fault. I just couldn't stop blaming myself. Why did God let this happen to me? Me, Darcy Edwards who had always been loyal to him and took extra care not to commit sins? It just didn't make sense. But then again nothing did anymore. I was now known as the crazy school slut.

_"But people have problems that are worse than mine  
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time  
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say  
I wish I could start over"_

I knew I was being selfish, and acting like a little whiny baby and while I was over here sulking people were suffering from far worse things then being raped. I glanced around and noticed Spinner, talking with Jimmy over by his locker. I couldn't help frown as I thought about what he was going through. He had cancer, and it must have been hard for him. Not knowing wether or not he was going to be able to live, not knowing wether or not he could be treated. And I was over here, just complaining about losing my virginity to a complete stranger. Who had tricked me and taken advantage of me. I sighed as a tucked a strand of my brunette hair behind my ear, ready to face the challenge of making it through another day.

As a walked towards my locker, I had a sudden feeling someone was watching me. I turned around and saw Jonny DeMarco looking at me, a look of lust in his eyes. Tears welled up in my eyes, as I turned away from him. Wanting to erase from my mind the way he had looked at me. I hated the way everyone looked at me now, as if a was either some slut who had lost her mind or as a new challenge, to get for their own dirty personal deeds. With every person I passed I couldn't help but think they knew, that they knew everything that had happened to be. But they weren't piting me, no on the contrary. They were looking at me disgusted as if I could have prevented it and as if I now indeed deserved the new title of a slut. As a reached my destination of my locker, I once again felt the strong urge of wanting to just start over. Although I knew I couldn't. And once again I tried my best to go through another day, without breaking down. In my eyes that was the most ultimate challenge of all.

_"I am slowly falling apart  
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start  
You might think it's easy being me  
You just stand still, look pretty"_

I let out a sigh of relief as the dismissal bell finally rung. I had made it through another day. I walked towards the front entrace doors of Degrassi Community School my mind set getting out of there as soon as possible. Luckily there wasn't Spirit Squad practice today, because I knew if I had to deal with one snide remark from Holly J, I would end up slapping her. As I pushed open one of the glass doors, I heard felt someone looking at me. I looked over and spotted Emma Nelson, Mr. Simpson's step-daughter. She looked me up and down, a nasty look upon her face, "Pathetic," she muttered. Before pushing through the door and walking down the steps.

Before I knew it, tears were running down my face, as I started down at my feet. Before I relized what I was doing I took off running. I had no clue where I was going, all I knew was that I had to escape and get as far away from Degrassi as possible. I ran with tears streaming down my face for nearly two hours. People like Emma, who thought they were so perfect never bugged her until here recently. If only they knew what she was going through, if only they could live one day in her shoes. They would see why she was acting the way she was. I slowed to a walking pace, walking in the direction of my home. Silently praying my mom, wouldn't be there since it was nearing dark. As I made it to the front door, I stood there taking extra time to wipe my eyes before I walked. I tried to sneak past the dinner table where my parents were eating silently, as quiet as possible. But apparently it wasn't silent enough.

My mom looked over at me, and stood up. "Where have you been young lady?" she questioned. I took a deep breath and put forced a fake smile. "Sorry mom, we decided to have a extra Spirit Squad practice is all." I lied, hoping she would buy it. Too my relief she looked at me for a moment, debating on wether I was telling the truth. I kept a straight face and she sat back down, still watching me. "I'm just worried about you Darcy, that's all." She told me, with a desperation tone in her voice. I rolled my eyes. "Well don't worry about me. I can take care of myself just fine, thank you very much," I told them, obviously irritated. I rolled my eyes once more, and stormed off to my bedroom. Slamming the door, behind me as a slung my backpack across the room. They expected me to be perfect, and it sickened me, because I could never live up to their expectations now. All the saw was a perfect, well behavied girl with a pretty face. That is until I started changing.

_"Sometimes I find myself shaking  
In the middle of the night  
And then it hits me and I can't  
Even believe this is my life"_

As I stood in front of my bathroom sink, staring into the mirror while brushing my hair. I spotted something sharp, glinting in the light from the room. I picked it up and fingered it, it was the razor I had attempted suicide with. I looked down and surveyed it, the razor had dark red stains all over it. Which was unmistakably, the same shade as my own blood. I looked up into the mirror, tucking a strand of my long hair behind my ear. I placed my wrist, over the sink, face up. I glanced into the mirror, once more debating on whether or not I should persue what I was about to do. I looked back down and with one quick motion, I brought the razor to my wrist and quickly slashed it over that area of skin. At once a long cut appeared, and with it dark red blood came pouring out of the cut and into the sink. I looked into the mirror, feeling light headed. I made it to my bed, before I passed out obviously in need of some sleep.

I woke shaking violently, I was cold, very cold. I managed to control my shaking enough to turn on my lamp. I looked down and gasped at what I saw, my sheets were covered in dark red liquid, I looked down at my wrist and grimaced. I twas still gashing blood, I looked over at my alarm clock, 3: 47 A.M it said. I gasped I had fallen asleep at 9:30. Had my cut really been bleeding that long? If it had been, then the reason I had been shaking was obvious. I was losing too much blood. I reached over and grabbed a paper towel, I kept a few on my nightstand since I was known for being a klutz. I pressed it to my cut, hoping it would help the bleeding reside. Why had I done that? I was _so_ stupid. Then it hit me, if Peter and Manny found out I would be dead. After all their support and encouragement I had went off and attempted suicide again. I stared up at my ceiling, not believe this is what my life had come too. Suicide attempts, desperateness, and insanity. I had to do something, I couldn't take this much longer. I just wanted to, escape. I soon fell back asleep as the bleeding resided. Scary, dark, and strange faces filling my dreams.

_"But people have problems that are worse than mine  
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time  
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths  
I'm not strong enough to deal with it"_

I walked up the concrete stairs, pushing open the glass doors of Degrassi. I grimaced as a looked down at my wrist, which was still awfully red. A had decided to wear a long sleeved red shirt, even though it was 70 degrees out, to make sure no one saw. Ms. Sullivan was the last person I wanted to see today to be honest. I walked down the halls, my hands in the pockets of my jeans. My hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, and I had on quite a bit of eye makeup, to hide the marks from my recent lack of sleep. I looked over spotting Liberty, standing at her locker. Staring at a picture of JT, a felt a pang of guilt. While I was here moping about something that could be resolved if I wanted it to be. She was standing over there, mourning the loss of having to give up her baby and now trying to get over the fact that the baby's father which who she had been in love with, had been murdered. I sighed, as I walked up to my locker, not wanting to face the long day ahead of me.

No sooner than I had opened my locker, when I familar girl skipped up to me. I rolled my eyes, Holly J was the last person I wanted to deal with this morning. She put her hands on her hips, and looked me up and down. "Awe, Darce." she stated. "You look horrible, maybe you should go home," she said in a mocking sickeningly tone. I rolled my eyes once more, I wasn't falling for the innocent act she was putting on. "Go away," I stated, no emotion in my voice. I wasn't in the mood to argue with her. Holly J, smirked. "Wow, looks like you really are losing your spirit. Watch out Spirit Squad wants a peppy captian. Not one who looks like she's turning into another Ellie Nash. What happened to Miss confident, and miss do no wrong? Your just a failure waiting to happen." she added, before stalking off down the hallway. I looked down at the ground, everything she said was right. I had changed and it was not for the better, people didn't want a depressed cheerleader being captain. Which means if Manny kicked her off, Holly J would be a shoe in for the spot of co-captain. Holly J turned around only a short distance away from me, she gave a little wave. "Bye failure," she muttered. I wished she would just shut up, she obviously wasn't aware that the tears that welled up in my eyes, every time she finished. The tears were streaming freely now, I rushed towards the bathroom. Thanks to Holly J, in chance of trying to forget what had happened seemed impossible.

_"I am slowly falling apart  
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start  
You might think it's easy being me  
You just stand still, look pretty"_

As I stood in the bathroom, wiping off my smeared makeup. I realized that Holly J didn't know what had happened to Darcy recently. Still it didn't give her any right to go around putting down like that. Especially someone like me who has had everything stolen from thing, and her world crashing down around her lately. She would like to see Holly J last a week in her place, that she would give anything to see. Since Holly J thought she was Miss Perfect. She thought my life was easy, she had stated it to me many times before. If only she knew, she would think that anymore. To her I was just another pretty face, that was just meant to stay quiet, not to speak up or anything. Just stand there, and to allow myself to be smotthered in her shadow. I finished wiping my smeared makeup off and walked out of the restroom. Ready to start first period, but to my suprise just then my name was called over the loudspeaker. "Darcy Edwards, please report to the Ms. Sullivan's the guidance counsler let please, thank you." I stopped in my tracks, the last time something like that had happened it had resulted in me getting Mr. Simpson suspended from teahcing Media Class.

_"I am slowly falling apart  
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start  
You might think it's easy being me  
You just stand still, look pretty"_

I made my way down towards Ms. Sullivan's office, ignoring all the people pointing, whispering, and staring at me was I walked down the hallway. I made it to the counsler's door and took a deep breath. I walked in and my eyes widened, occupying five chairs were Ms. Sullivan, my mother, my father, Peter, and Manny. I gasped and then turned around ready to walk out of the door. But to my suprise and dismay Peter lept up and blocked off the door. "Darcy, this is for your own good." he stated. I stared at him for a moment, anger building up inside me. I stomped my foot and began to shout. "You don't know what's good for me! I'm the only one who does! And being here locking inside a counsler's office and having my boyfriend and my best friend turn against me is defienately not what's good for me!" I shouted. I turned around and looked at my parents, by their facial expressions I could tell they knew.

"Darcy, sweetie, why didn't you tell us?" my mother stuttered out, she had obviously been crying but I didn't care. "It was nothing!" I shouted. "I can get over myself!" and with those words, I spun around and started swining punches at Peter. Hoping if I hit him enough he would unblock the door. My vision started to blur and I began to throw more punches towards him. All of a sudden I felt my breath catch in my throat. I began to panic, I couldn't breathe. I turned around my face sweating and red. "Can't... breathe," I choked out, I fell to the floor. The last thing I saw were Manny and Peter panicking, Ms. Sullivan shouting, and my parents running over towards me. And then everything went black.

--

Okay end of Chapter 1. I know it's long but the others probably won't be as long. I might continue if enough people want me to. But it will be based along the storylines of different songs. I know it probably sucks but oh well.


End file.
